What would it be like if it all changed again?


What would it be like if it all just changed again?

Why would we worry or be surprised, when this is the way?

But we do, and we grasp.  So tightly.

Instinctively, we clutch onto that grassy edge,

we hang there. All effort’s on holding on.

Fear fuels us.

Exhausted, eventually the clutched hand weakens,

or the grass leaves its soiled base,

or someone unravels the fingers one by one, by force.

Or, our mind decides and

freedom comes

as we simply,

let go.  

We sail through the air,


and hit the ground running.

What would it be like if it all changed again?



Don’t forget your Mum


She who still cleans shoes of muscled man,

and worries through sizzle-baconed pan,

awaits by pregnant phone.

Daily norm doesn’t lessen the

Ghostly sad etched retina,

Seeing silence vividly.


A days convention, marketing bluff

Cards, flowers, blaaa, but hearts enough

ached, into sleeps forgetfulness.

A life’s truest hard-earned proudest treasure,

can give simplest joy beyond all measure,

just with a thought.


The phone rings, and

her heart sings.








The open window’s breeze reminds me.

A darkened rectangle of twinkling

And hoots of solitude

ricochet around my memories.

Trudging sandy footsteps,

smiling faces, dog wetness.

Grasshopper clicks and

A dragonfly’s silent deception.

Secrecy and torment,

behind beauty and grace.

A dominant selfishness unquestioned,

And unchallenged.

Just the way it is, nature.

Nurture loses

and I remember,


You don’t care anymore.


By Alison Hawtin (25/9/17)


Alison’s Art of Seeing: for K

K: My gosh, this was a beautiful experience to be a part of. Quite a surprise to start with as I was invited to speak about me. I am usually reading for others. Once Alison got me started I was so easily in the flow. While I chatted about ME and my life the artwork unfolded beautifully in front of me. She commenced on a blue background but so quickly Alison added the new white rectangle over the top. She said this was a new technique for her. To me it highlighted the huge change in my life as I stepped out of my day job a few years ago and the clarity that is now emerging as I work from my Heart centered self exploring and emerging my next best self. I just love the energy of the circle of exquisite colour (colours I have been drawn to and working so much with this week) where I have been so immersed in the cauldron of courses, work, deep exploration of seeing me, deeper work and then the mirroring back to me of who I am. As Alison Hawtin described it as the breast and nipple symbology of the nurturing role I have played in my early life for my three sons and now I see the work I do as nurturing women on their self exploratory journey to become their best selves. I love the tree distributing the gold flecks in all directions and my angel wings emerging me in my areas of greatest strength. The white strands flowing down from the gold flecks are about all my gift areas I have available to me to explore and deliver on. Great experience working with you Alison Hawtin. Love the painting and being able to journey forward with this visual representation of ME. Thank you for letting me see me. Much Love. K

Essence and Purpose 2017


From the pristine beach with the sound of the waves, I see the trees and the path into it. I wander in and sense the tallness of the trees, the sun searing through the canopy, the crispiness underfoot and the insects buzzing around in the still heat.
I’m now with my Dad walking along the stream in Cumbria, it bubbling noisily over the rocks and edges, the tree-lined path and us meandering along, enjoying the coolness of the air it brings. It’s a lovely heart-warming memory. Then the pool appears and Dad dissolves, the deafening sound of the waterfall dominates and it’s spray cools my face and shoulders. The pool infront becomes increasingly still. It is deep, so deep, and cool and clear. Unbearably clear. I am afraid. I seek support and ask for Geshe-La to come. He does, of course. He smiles and in his monk-smallness, is immense. I feel safe. We speak without words as I undo my fear of the pool. I am fighting with my thinking mind. He holds my hand and stands at my side.
Eventually we sit, and dangle our feet into the water. I am scared of what’s below, what I can’t see, what may hurt my feet or pull me in to drown helplessly and alone in the waters. Geshe-La; Guru Sumati Buddha Heruka, Avalokiteshvara, Great Mother Prajnaparamita, Vajrapani, Tara, Manjushri, He who was all of them, lovingly explained I need not be afraid of who I am. This is what is there, simply my truth.
I realise I am them. They are me. I look at my feet still swinging in the waters and I see.
I see that the other words of the previous meditative visit to this pool, describing the diamond (as faithfulness, love, purity, clarity, hope and abundance, seeking a meaningful life), were the description of the pool itself, and not my essence within it. I find that I need to dive in, to trust, to go deep. “Don’t leave me” I keep saying, and He keeps saying with such patient love, “I’m here”. I feel the love.
We gently slide in, side by side.

We now are swimming down and down and down, like mermaids, into the depths of this coolest, clearest pool. The ‘meditating me’ has bodily experiences, of changes from solidity to lightness. I feel my actual body letting go; of awareness of heated areas, of joint stiffness. I get a pressure across the bridge of my nose at times. Right-sided heaviness sticks for a while; but it feels like my trust clears this, bringing balance, and cleansing what manifests as physical pain and mental discomfort. Then, my actual body sitting here meditating, takes a series of quick deep breaths, like it’s making a shift in energy and no longer needs air. I now see the most massive and intense light – like that of the fire from the welder’s iron. Indescribable blue, pink, yellow, oozing at speed out of the rock face in the depths. It envelops me. It absorbs me. I absorb it. It nourishes, enhances, cleanses. Geshe-La is still there, and we are all one. I realise this.
There is now somewhere even deeper to go that is a beautiful land. But it is not a place of concept to be understood down here. So we find it’s vision once we step out of the waters having timelessly risen upward to the surface, where momentarily I floated in peaceful joy.
As I sat fresh, healthy, youthful, naked and cleansed on a smooth rock in the clearing, I saw how the lands were now vast and beyond stunning. Now I AM Geshe-La and all the Buddhas and everyone and everything.
We are all one.
I realise this. I am never alone. You are never alone.
We are connected in a Celestine-like aura of love.
My vision then changes to the particular, a sunny messy garden full of toys. I am confused by this in this purity of landscape and feeling. But it is not out of keeping with this, as it seems to be the place I can meet people? The person, the individual. Seeking the way to this PureLand.
I ask for words to describe my essence and what my heart truly wants to offer to this world. I struggle to accept and think I am forcing what I sense, into my vision. They say things like ‘invitation’, ‘play’, ‘creativity’, ‘peace’ ‘connection’ and ‘compassion’. Then HEALING comes through with strength. I am surprised thinking this was the aspect of me I was leaving behind in my ordinary world. It says ‘PERSONAL AND GLOBAL HEALING’.
It also says, as I focus more on the meaning of the garden element, ‘I SEE YOU’, ‘SEER’ and ‘VISIONARY’. Ooh, this is hard for my ordinariness to accept, though my deep-innerness feels acknowledged.

It then reminds me of the writing I did just yesterday, where in remembering my childhood, I recalled that I have always ‘seen’ and felt, others. And believed in goodness. I and others name it my compassion, empathy, strength, wisdom, intuition, being a voice for the voiceless. Less positively it became named or expressed in strong opinions, as hippyish, feeling odd/different, being idealistic, and at it’s darkest moments, as despondency, depression and a mistrust of the world.
What I see now is that SEEING OTHERS is all of these aspects of me all at once, and that my purpose has always been to bring harmony and understanding in some way i.e.. to mediate change, to enable empathy to the other’s position, to heal – the distress, discord, suffering, pain, loneliness, hunger, lostness of anyone and everyone. Human, animal and beyond. Whatever we look like, we are beings, who all hurt and can love.

I heard the words ‘healing the one, heals all’.
Momentarily I wondered if my purpose should be continuing to be that ‘voice of the voiceless’, as I still get so passionate about this? But I see that this, in the way I have been doing this admirably and with commitment, heart and purpose up to this point in my life, has now passed. It is IN my essence, but the way I need to express this has changed, to better focus through healing myself, I naturally heal everyone.
Because I am you. You are me. We are the worlds we create.

Alison Hawtin

The Art of Intention?


From the lava beds of the darkest groves,

moistened rotting threads, linking timeless clothes

of bark and twig, of leaf and bud,

the deepest gold shines through the mud

of always, ever,


it shines so clean, it’s calling me.


Upwards from depths beyond all known,

it draws, it pulls, I know it’s home.

So pure, so bright, of love and peace,

the core truth’s simplest masterpiece.


What call to act, it speaks of here?

To lead, to show, to wash off fear

in dewy mists of this sweet copse,

with courage the limited veil drops

and clarity dawns, with joy so vast,

The purest heart appears at last.

Time passing


Carress it as it glides by.

Notice it’s contours,

stroke it’s fur-feather-hair – it’s taut, fragile skin.

Gaze into it’s mirror-puddle eyes of clear, fresh sky,

Watch it’s drips of loving silence,

gathered moist orbs of experience.

Relish the breeze of it’s rounded heart meandering downward,

Ever downward, an unstoppable journey,

Guided in silence by the grimy smear
of grasping fingertips.